Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
