Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
