...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
