READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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