I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
