Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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