Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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