we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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