so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
