i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
