I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
