Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
