It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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