Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Drake has all the answers
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
