I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
