My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
