So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
