I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
