Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
