If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
