TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
