I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Me too!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
