dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
