I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
