I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
