well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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