that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
