we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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