What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
