I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
