I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
