My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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