Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
