your thong is hanging out like whoa
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
