we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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