Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
