Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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