I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
