Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
