cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
