If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
