I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
