he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
