Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
