is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
