but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
