btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
