Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just found a bag of teeth...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
