somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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