we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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