I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
