i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
